I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
