she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
