Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
