New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
