I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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