I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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