I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
