i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
