Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
