Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
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Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize