She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
