I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
