She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
