i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
