just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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