somebody snuck up and got me drunk
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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