Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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