dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
