Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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