Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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