I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
