You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
