Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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