I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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