we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
