using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
