I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
