I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
