He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
