I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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