he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
