my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she peed on how many people?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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