i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
