She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
