you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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