I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
