If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
