Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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