my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
