She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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