At least make sure they are 18
Why
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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