If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
