As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
tell me about the fingering
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