omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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