He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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