dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
