ugly people sure do ruin things
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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