Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
