he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
