im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
