Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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