I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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