tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
