Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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