I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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