So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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