I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
