it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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