Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize